During our time of being physically distant from the Institute, both myself, and a member of our Advisory Board, will be producing a series of blogs. We felt it would be a great opportunity to invite you to read about a single topic from our individual perspectives. We chose our first topic of ‘honesty’ because it is something which is incredibly important to both of us and when talking about our experiences, it became clear we had some completely different, and some very similar, experiences; good and bad.

We discussed examples of professional (dis) honesty alongside what our individual values tell us honesty should be, what it feels like to be honest and what it feels like when we don’t get the honesty we are seeking.

Speaking of ‘values’, as an employee of Nottinghamshire Healthcare Trust, I learned at my Induction that the Trust has ‘refreshed’ the organisational values, saying we wish to exemplify ‘Honesty, Trust, Compassion, Respect and Teamwork’. As we were focusing on ‘honesty’ for this piece, I thought I would ask one of my colleagues in the business of organisational development, what honesty means to them. Their role is about: embedding these values into reality, how to be a better organisation and how to encourage our people to endorse these values. Whilst this was their personal take on honesty, I felt they were a good person to ask what that really means. They offered me their thoughts:

“For me, the value of honesty means being open with others and transparent around the decisions that I make. It is about me being trustworthy, sincere and fair and goes hand in hand with being kind to others. It’s important that I communicate to others in a respectful way. It is also about acting with integrity and therefore doing what I say I’m going to do. If I can’t get something done or will be late delivering something then I will always let people know, apologise and discuss an alternative. Honesty is also about being true to myself and doing the morally right thing, even when no one’s looking. In addition to this I think it’s important to admit when I have made a mistake, say sorry and find the best way to put things right.”

I think I would agree with all these points, especially “do what is morally right even when no one’s looking”. That means being honest about who I am and how I do things, but I carried on thinking about real examples to help me understand, am I truly honest and can I be better?

As I was explaining something, to my badly home-schooled child this week, I was thinking about ‘honesty’. I was trying to explain something, and I kept using words she didn’t understand, when I tried to explain what I meant I used more words she didn’t quite “get”. I say, ‘didn’t quite’, because I am sure they were words we had used before, but the more I explained, the more her confusion became evident. I had assumed, because it had been said before, it was something she understood but actually every explanation I offered was accompanied by another word that didn’t have a real meaning for her, or had a different meaning to the one I was explaining. I also realised I might have been displaying some disappointment (see also parental frustration) in not being able to explain myself in a way she could understand; losing the point and the purpose (and patience all round) quite quickly! She didn’t admit that she didn’t understand because she wanted to seem bright and clever and I never asked her, beyond the closed question of “you do understand, don’t you?” which is not an easy ‘no’ in anyone’s world.

It led me to wonder just how many of us find ourselves in this position, in our work and adult exchanges, and how frequently? On either side of the conversation. I wondered how often it had happened to me. In meetings, did I wait for someone else to ask the question? If a meaning was implied, did I question when I didn’t understand? Did I wait to join up the dots or did I rely on my assumption, hoping it would all become clear? And if someone was frustrated, could this be raised openly, rather than buried, creating a risk to our open and honest relationship?

Could we be more honest about our need to challenge assumptions? The assumptions of who is involved and why? What is being taken and given in our quest for good involvement? Why someone is choosing to be involved in research? Why someone is seeking involvement?

I believe we can have far more transparent relationships, with everyone we encounter, whether it be about: experience; knowledge; the time we commit; the involvement purpose and/or the intentions of the Involvement and the team.

This is certainly going to be my goal in this role and I also will no doubt get it wrong from time to time as I am only human. However, when that does happen, I will commit to acknowledging mistakes, working out how to do it better and to learning from my mistakes.

I truly believe this is the crux of real honesty, sometimes we are all guilty of stepping around the outside of issues which are more comfortable to ignore or harder for some to openly address. This is where honesty can feel uncomfortable and the hardest option but only in accepting the discomfort and being truly honest about the why’s and the what’s, do I believe equal, honest and trusting relationships can be built.